If I were to go to Japan (part 1)

For when I (finally) go to Japan. One is allowed to dream and plan, right?

Here are 2 rules:

1. I have a budget. This means nothing fancy, except if it's a must-see, must-try kind of thing. And in my opinion, the only things that are must-see or must-try, are things that locals participate in.
2. I want to experience local life as much as possible. I'm not really into expensive touristy stuff, though I do enjoy it sometimes. I'd just prefer to experience how locals live, which explains last  line of point 1 above.

Here goes...

I will fly to Osaka first - Kansai International Airport. I reckon Osaka is still a city area but with more greenery and open spaces. I hope. I'm a person who needs greenery and open spaces, that's why I realize I can't stay in HK for long.
Also because Osaka's got a major airport, so flying in will be easier. No other specific reason.

If you've got a suggestion as to where I should fly in besides Osaka, leave a comment!

There're probably a few places I want to try staying in, so I won't just be in one place. Planning to do a homestay, booking a place through Airbnb (@airbnb). This way, I can actually see how a local lives as well as meet somebody new. That costs about $45/night. I could try a hostel, but I'm not so keen on the idea as of now.

Another place I want to stay at is a capsule hotel. Maybe one like Capsule Hotel Asahiplaza Shinsaibashi for about $46/night. I hope those capsules are safe.

On MSN

YZ and me on MSN:

me: Weekends used to be so long last time, now it's so short. Why ah?
YZ: Haha, because you're old already.

Monday's Limelight 2012

This coming Monday evening, X-winds plays in XMSB's concert, Limelight 2012.

This coming Monday evening, X-winds plays a piece in remembrance of Junsheng, a X-winds member who passed away during NS just end of last year.

Those who knew him might play while holding personal memories in mind and emotions within. But it doesn't matter if we knew him personally, was his best friend, just a friend, an acquaintance, or don't know him at all. I hope we will play with love simply because he was a part of our band. I hope we play with love because I believe (presumptuously, even) that once somebody is a part of this band, they'll always be. And if you can't do so, it's OK. Play with love for friends you know who knew him and the loss or pain they feel.

Because maybe if each of us puts in a little love, we can convey what we want to the audience that day. Isn't music that's played with love felt by all?

About work

I can't decide. When will I be able to decide what to do when I leave?
When will I have the courage to manage leaving a familiar and warm place for a new, unfamiliar place?
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My mom told me that during CNY, her friend asked her why I looked so unhappy. Was I very stressed out at work? If I look unhappy even during a break, I think there is something wrong. Something wrong with the way I think? Something wrong with the job-personality fit? I don't know, but definitely something wrong.

In my line, you have to take very good care of yourself because the nature of your job is to "solve issues/problems". Problems come at you in all directions, from nearly everybody (except the admin, thank goodness!). You have to be hardy and soft at the same time. You cannot let other people's problems bog you down. I, however, am one who absorbs other people's problems like sponge absorbs water. I very nearly broke down middle of last year, if not for the timely course in August which allowed me to be out of school 2 out of 5 days. It literally saved my mental health, and I mean it. If not, I'd most probably be seeing a psychiatrist right now. So I am extremely grateful for the course last year, to have understanding partners this year and friends who've lent me a listening ear.

This year, I initially wanted to be married to my work (see resolution), but from the 1st week of school, I realized I can't. No motivation at all. Slowly, I fell into a pattern.

End of January, I selfishly told myself I'll save work for only work hours. I prioritized, focused my attention on more important things at work, I stopped bringing work home (though I can see I'll need to do so very soon), I stopped thinking about work after I've left school, I started doing things I liked again, I allowed myself to have fun. I felt the vast difference between my mental health last year and this year's. I hope I never have to go through that terrible period again (I know I'll probably have to, sometime in the future).

My happiness curve looks like a roller coaster.

That's all, good night.

Too high?

If I'm setting expectations that are apparently too high for me to attain and am too ambitious, then what is suitable? How do I know if my goals are OK? It is very saddening to think that my ambitions are too far off because then am I to live and accept these are how things will be, for the rest of my life? I don't know if it's because my goals are too high that I am unhappy. If it is so, if I lower my goals, will I really be happier? Can I even lower them?

My goal is very simple - I just want to wake up everyday feeling happy. I want to wake up everyday wanting to work. I don't want to feel anxious every Sunday afternoon, just thinking of work. I don't want to dread work everyday. I remember in an interview on TV once with Mediacorp actress Felicia Chin, she said she initially didn't like acting at all and many close to her had advised her to quit. It was only after a number of years that she started to like acting. I just wonder if my aversion to work is like that - after the initial years, it'll get better and I'll eventually like it. I frankly don't know and it is frustrating. Taking care of others is frustrating. At this stage now, I just want to take care of myself.

Is my goal very difficult to attain? Do I have to accept that I will have to live with monday blues and feel this way towards work my entire life?