Swirly lines and concentric circles

If swirly lines and concentric circles encircle me....

Comes and goes with the wind

There is a Chinese proverb, which, when translated into English, says, "Comes with the wind, goes with the wind."
There are some things I don't like to talk too much about.
If it comes, it comes, and I will treasure it.
If it goes, it goes, then so be it.

Of Workaholic and Loneliness

For weeks now, I've been complaining how I do not have any spare time for myself and how every moment in time, whether or not I am physically engaged in doing work, my brain is somehow thinking about it. It became such that I would procrastinate doing work or steal time off to watch a movie/anime/read a book. So when I have finally gave myself a full break today after lessons (I had another break on Wednesday - note how this fact contradicts my very first sentence) which will stretch across to next Tuesday or Wednesday, I find myself sitting in a chair at home with no idea what to do with this luxury of having copious amounts of spare time on hand.

It is an incredibly horrible realization and a very sad one, to finally understand that I am, in a certain way, a workaholic. Though I do enjoy having time to relax and just sit doing nothing, I cannot do this for extended periods of time. I felt  restless after a mere 4 hours (during which I had lunch, watched an anime, napped, slacked, jogged and had dinner) and actually seriously considered doing some work-related things. I didn't, of course, because the thought of having to complete work turns me off greatly. What a paradox!
Anyway it is very difficult for me to get back into the groove of work life after relaxing for a day or two.

However, that realization is nothing compared to another, more important revelation I had - I have a very boring life in general. I came to this revelation by the following chain of events:

My mom managed to get 4 complimentary tickets to Voyage de la Vie. My sister and I will be attending, so we have 2 more available tickets. Due to certain complications, my father, at that point in time, was unable to attend, as was my mother and brother. So the plan was that we would each ask someone else along. Simple! So I asked:

1) Friend 1 - She already have plans for Saturday evening.
2) Friend 2 - She already have plans for Saturday evening.
3) Friend 3 - She has personal matters to handle (which I fully respect).
4) Cousin 1 - She has already watched the show.
5) Cousin 2 - She already have plans for Saturday evening.
6) Cousin 3 - She already have plans for Saturday evening.
7) Cousin 4 - He already have plans for Saturday evening.

Somewhere between asking Cousin 2 and Cousin 3, I suddenly started wondering if all this time, everybody around me always had company on Saturday nights (or Friday nights, for that matter) and was going out. Except for me?
Wow, I never noticed.
Suddenly, I felt my loneliness increase 10-fold. Yet, I know this is purely my own creation, and if I were to make a choice between a lifestyle change from my current state to somebody who goes out frequently, I'd most likely choose the first again. It's not that I completely dislike how things are now, but things just get... very lonely, after a while.

Very, very lonely.