That corn, my sis & I

Remember the incident about the corn, my sis and I?

The plants are thirsty

My phone rings.

Me: Hello?
Mum: Hello, Jing ah, can you ask the maid to water the plants near the lift later on? I walked past them and they're so dry, poor things, must be very thirsty, poor things you know.

Just be yourself

As I stand there, getting a sniff of how the real world is and feeling a flood of fear and uncertainty ride over me, a little voice inside of me said,

You don't have to worry about taking on the world, or of failing. You just have to be yourself.

Haiti Earthquake donation avenues

In view of the terrible earthquake at Haiti, there are various channels for cash donations if you're thinking of doing so but not sure how to do so.

1) World Vision Singapore. I personally donated through this avenue. Do note they require a minimum donation of SGD60. This is paid through credit card (Visa/Master).
2) Facebook - Doctors without Borders. No minimum amount that I know of but I'm not sure about it.
3) Facebook - Friends of the World Food Programme (under the United Nations). This is a non-profit organization. In addition, The Prem Rawat Foundation will donate an additional $1 for every $1 donated.
4) Facebook - International Rescue Committee. A committee which focuses on rescue and rebuilding communities.

I'm not sure how donation through Facebook is carried out, i.e. how payment is made. Maybe those who have tried it could share the process.

I'm sure there are many other avenues. Be careful of scams though. Make your donation today!

When you're thinking of escaping

You may run to the ends of the earth.

But you'll never be able to run from yourself.

Letting go

It is freakishly early in the morning and I do not appreciate having to write this. My heart should shut up and go to bed.

Nearly 4 years down the road and I doubt I comprehend the meaning of "letting go". Is there a course which teaches this or a universally understood meaning to this phrase? I might not understand what letting go means, but I sure as hell can describe how I feel.

Perhaps letting go isn't about forgetting or not hurting, because occasionally I'd feel the return of a dull, throbbing, persistent heartache when I chance upon, for instance, memories. Most of the time though, the matter no longer occupies me. I celebrate when happy things happen, I go out with my friends and I do things I enjoy. Yet I feel it will always be inside me. Sometimes brutally painful, other times painfully warm and gentle. Most of the times, it makes me feel lonely and despicable, almost like a part of my ridiculously naive past coming back repeatedly to taunt and embarrass me. Yet, at the same time, I am inherently grateful for this incident to have happened, because it has started me down a road of discovery.

The fact that I was hurt though, I cannot ignore. If I were to describe this wound of the heart quite literally, it would be a knife slash on which scabs have formed, something which hurts when pressure is applied on it or sometimes just acts up randomly, but otherwise quite alright. And as I have said before, will say again and which I firmly believe in - the wound is really, mostly self-inflicted. I have this image of  me having grabbed his hand, forcing a knife in it and then directing it to make that wound. I am always amazed at how I have inflicted this wound upon myself (not just a single slash, but multiple times! My naivety astounds me) as well as upon him. Right now, I am sitting in front of my beloved netbook, typing this and laughing at my own stupidity.

And always, always, towards him, I will feel apologetic.
Of course, to quite an extent, I detest him greatly! Haha! But really, I am sorrowful and apologetic as well. No number of sorries can make it up, nor express my regret. It is something I always hold inside. I don't find it a need to explain anymore why I feel apologetic.

I've long given up trying to forget it because forgetting is something I have no control over (seriously, psychologically, if I successfully do it, it is almost akin to a disorder), though I do not deny I mostly try to avoid him and talking about the issue. Maybe letting go is about accepting that I will always miss him, and then moving on all the same? Then, what is moving on? haha...

The wretchedness of matters of the heart!

To-do list

On my to-do list:

1) Watch Avatar: The Last Airbender
2) Bathe

Good Night, Last Night

Khaosd had this song title in his MSN nick, so I went to google and listened to the various versions. The first 2 versions were okay but I did not quite like it, until I chanced upon the version "sung" by Miku Hatsune... ...

... ...And then I fell in love with it.

Odd how a Vocaloid could capture me more than a human singer. Probably because of the wavelengths produced by a synthesizer and the way it could reach the insane vocal range this song consists of. By the way, when I say insane vocal range, I mean INSANE vocal range. Listen to it and you'll understand what I mean.

Miku Hatsune's version of Good Night, Last Night

Vanilla Twilight

This song was apparently written by Adam Young in memory of his girlfriend who passed away. It made me cry while listening to the song and imagining the words are his real feelings. Hope you like this song & that it touches you as much as it touched me.

Vanilla Twilight

Adam Young

The stars lean down to kiss you
And I lie awake and miss you
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere

'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'd send a postcard to you, dear
'Cause I wish you were here

I'll watch the night turn light-blue
But it's not the same without you
Because it takes two to whisper quietly

The silence isn't so bad
'Til I look at my hands and feel sad
'Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly

I'll find repose in new ways
Though I haven't slept in two days
'Cause cold nostalgia
Chills me to the bone

But drenched in vanilla twilight
I'll sit on the front porch all night
Waist-deep in thought because
When I think of you I don't feel so alone

I don't feel so alone, I don't feel so alone

As many times as I blink
I'll think of you tonight
I'll think of you tonight

When violet eyes get brighter
And heavy wings grow lighter
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again

And I'll forget the world that I knew
But I swear I won't forget you
Oh, if my voice could reach
Back through the past
I'd whisper in your ear
Oh darling, I wish you were here

Happy New Year - I'm back!

I'm back from KL! Since yesterday 1pm, actually. Just that I knocked out for 14-hours straight till 9am this morning, after emptying my luggage and taking a bath.

Here's a very late Happy New Year to all of you!

Summary of 2009: I kept my resolution.

2010's resolutions: 
1) I resolve, again, to not get laid. I reckon it's the one resolution I'm most likely to keep.
2) I resolve to play the piano again.
3) I resolve to grow stronger psychologically.

What are your resolutions for the year?