Bus ride

I don't usually chance upon odd or irritating persons on the bus to school, usually because I'm deeply asleep most of the time. So today I was amazingly wide awake and had two interesting persons sitting beside me.

The first passenger was a very young, pretty and nice-smelling lady. She seriously smells very nice - like fruits. Just washed her hair, I reckoned. However, she kept on raking her fingers through her hair for the 1 hour she was on the bus. It was kind of distracting. Not arousing-distracting but irritating-distracting. She somehow reminded me of the energizer bunny. I wanted to shave her head.

The second passenger sat down with a handkerchief over her mouth and nose and kept it that way until she alighted. I wondered if it was because of the coughing onboard previously, whether she was sick or whether I have body odour. I even drank water in case my breath was so bad she could smell it everytime I exhaled. Hell, I even turned away when I exhaled, just in case it was me =(

Resolutions we can keep to

What do you do when you never ever keep to your new year/chinese new year resolutions?

You make one that you can keep for sure!

So couple of days ago, I accidentally chanced upon the one, fun resolution I know I can keep to for sure:

I resolve not to get laid for this year.

Woohoo! It will also be the one fun resolution to break!

I can think of a few others such as "I resolve to procrastinate", "I resolve to bathe naked" (contributed by miccheng through plurk), "I resolve to eat rice" (contributed by khaosd through plurk) and "I resolve to use the computer more." Only that the last one might create some cognitive dissonance so it might actually make me use the computer less...

What are some resolutions that you can keep to for sure?

Happy Lunar New Year 2009!

Wishing all a good year ahead!

I shall be nursing myself back to health this CNY by watching animes and drinking water.

I forgot to file for graduation

I think I am super power.

After 3.5 years of classifying my modules in NUS's GAPS (Graduation and Academic Planning System), I have in this last semester, literally, promptly forgotten how to classify my modules. As such, I missed the deadline for the online filing for graduation because I did not realize I had to classify my last 5 modules before the system would allow me to file. I had conveniently assumed that the system would do it for me and had put it out of my mind until a coursemate raised the issue while chatting, on the very last day of online filing. I had rushed out of class to the nearest computer in order to attempt to complete the procedure. Alas, the system had miraculously declared the day over by 6pm or something (I had logged in at 6.05pm).

And so now I am to file my graduation manually. How exciting.

That pink shoebox

While spring-cleaning today I found that pink shoebox I had tucked away behind a little curtain in my wardrobe. That box contained some pieces of items I kept as a remembrance of him and it was placed behind the curtain I had constructed, to have it out of sight. I never quite forgot about it but it was never at the forefront of my mind either.

Today it took me no more than 2 seconds to decide to throw that box away, save for a single item within. Now almost 4 years later, I will not deny that I still like him and I cannot bear to even have him in my line of sight for fear of the emotions that might rise. I've long since given up on actively working to put those emotions away because I believe time will do its work. There is no need to be forcing myself to do something which I don't like either. Rather than have myself troubling over a distant memory or a fantasy of what could be, I think I'd better concentrate on reality and on current pressing needs.

I don't understand what is "letting go", or "putting it behind me". I only know how to deal with it the best way I can at any one point in time. I think to him this whole thing doesn't matter anymore, that's why I think it is now ok to write about it. In this way, I'm glad and relieved.

Days with My Father - Phillip Toledano

While walking along the underground linkway to Esplanade, I saw this exhibition of photographs on the wall titled "Days with My Father" by Phillip Toledano, part of M1 Singapore Fringe Festival 2009. I believe some people have already visited the site, saw the photos and read the descriptions. Days with My Father is a collection of photographs of Phillip Toledano's father about a year ago, a few months after the death of his mother. It started as an online photo journal in an attempt to capture the remaining days spent with his father.

I found the photos exceptionally moving, the emotions captured very raw and honest. Sometimes it is sad, other times it is incredibly funny. A short 3-min walk down the linkway had my throat closed up and me almost in tears.

Here is his introduction/text of the first photograph:

"My Mum died suddenly on September 4th, 2006

After she died, I realized how much she'd been shielding me from my father's mental state.

He doesn't have alzheimers, but he has no short-term memory, and is often lost.

I took him to my mother's funeral, and to the burial, but when we got home, he'd ask me every 15-20 minutes where my mother was. I'd explain carefully that she had died, and we'd been to her funeral.

This was shocking news to him.

Why had no-one told him?
Why hadn't I taken him to the funeral?
Why hadn't he visited her in theo hospital?

He had no memory of these events.

After a while, I realized I couldn't keep telling him that his wife had died. He didn't remember, and it was killing both of us, to re-live her death constantly.

I decided to tell him she'd gone to Paris, to take care of her brother, who was sick.

And that's where she is now.

This exhibition is part of an online journal.

An ongoing record of my father, and of our relationship.

For whatever days we have left together."

Take a peek into his personal journey with his father here. You can also take a look at Phillip Toledano's website if you're interested.