While spring-cleaning today I found that pink shoebox I had tucked away behind a little curtain in my wardrobe. That box contained some pieces of items I kept as a remembrance of him and it was placed behind the curtain I had constructed, to have it out of sight. I never quite forgot about it but it was never at the forefront of my mind either.
Today it took me no more than 2 seconds to decide to throw that box away, save for a single item within. Now almost 4 years later, I will not deny that I still like him and I cannot bear to even have him in my line of sight for fear of the emotions that might rise. I've long since given up on actively working to put those emotions away because I believe time will do its work. There is no need to be forcing myself to do something which I don't like either. Rather than have myself troubling over a distant memory or a fantasy of what could be, I think I'd better concentrate on reality and on current pressing needs.
I don't understand what is "letting go", or "putting it behind me". I only know how to deal with it the best way I can at any one point in time. I think to him this whole thing doesn't matter anymore, that's why I think it is now ok to write about it. In this way, I'm glad and relieved.